I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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