he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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