So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
