my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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