theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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