I think I won the penis lottery.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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