You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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