i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
