I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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