the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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