5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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