I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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