we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
