he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
