I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize