i think my mom watched the whole time
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
