Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize