You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
