I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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