That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize