My Higher Power is John Stamos
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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