I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
