i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize