Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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