Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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