sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
