These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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