Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
