last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
