No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
