your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
