did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
