But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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