one might say we're banned from that church
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Houston, we have a squirter
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How does one acquire holy water?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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