I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
