Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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