I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
