I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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