just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
