i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
