He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
