I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will be naked everywhere
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
