Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
