his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
