There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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