I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
