I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
