We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
