we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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