Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
