So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
