Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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