My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
