The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
