She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
