Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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