apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
