i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
