things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
