I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
