I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't turn off my feet"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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