Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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