You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
