just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
