In America we eat man semen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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