i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
