Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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