why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
