epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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