they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.