You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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