i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?