Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
