Girls should come with a carfax report
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole