It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
