I wish my penis had an off switch
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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