Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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