She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
