It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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