I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
