whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
