he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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