i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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