I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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