he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
