About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
