At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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