Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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