I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
