I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
