there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
porn star boner night. come get it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
