my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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